Furious Angels

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2 posters

    Eye Camouflage

    Callisto
    Callisto


    Number of posts : 6
    Experience :
    Eye Camouflage Left_bar0 / 500 / 50Eye Camouflage Right_bar

    Eye Camouflage Empty Eye Camouflage

    Post by Callisto Tue May 26, 2009 11:15 pm

    Perching from the limb of a hollow tree, she intently scans outward upon the vast land and slowly refocuses upon the ground below her. She marks the spot with her eyes and pounces from the branch, propelling herself forward onto the exact location of her intended drop. Her rugged boots land firmly upon the dirt as a veil of dust belts up from the surface, after a moment, she proceeds on her way with her eyes never leaving the target in question. Her hazel eyes gaze far beyond where she stands, her eyesight remains strictly precise and accurate without flaw or bias. Her eyes incredibly sensitive to movement, even the slightest change in expression will balance the thoughts in her head and she is able to read any thought by way of her eyes.

    She stands for nothing in this world, not the animals to which feed her body strength, not the nature that hides her and shelters her from the stained towns, and especially not the filth migrating from town to town. She walks with determination and valid poise although she herself does not know the importance of walking further and further down a chosen path. She lives because death does not appeal to her, only when she processes the knowledge of this world will she let death be the next option for her.

    Running through the circulating dirt as the wind storms the desert area of isolation and loneliness. She continually runs even if her lungs jot out from their supposed location in her chest, she keeps moving to what grasps the interest of her eye. Miles and miles pass of agonizing pain according to the bones that creak with each pace and the squeal of oxygen reeking from the blood pumping to the rips in her muscles. She keeps the running pace, she challenges her organs to fail her, she wants a feeling of suffocation throughout her whole body. How foolish to want to feel, my kind cannot feel even if death was upon me it wouldn’t startle my brain. It would only do what it is suppose to and shut down with the everlasting breathe of the last movement my lungs make. My body would finally relax, perhaps, my eyes would finally close, I hope, and this all-knowing sight would be trapped within this human form.

    Death is another stage, just like that of life, and I must bear through this before moving into another stage of my mind. This form carries my thoughts indefinitely well, I am able to ponder upon points without other beings inferring with my process. No one can take my mind from me or consume my mind within their own, because this solid form keeps them from migrating into my body. I was only air before, no protection existed between my mind and another person’s mind. One had to be cunning and clever for the others would either consume you or use you for their benefit if you did not know the necessary protection in ALL circumstances. I learned on my own and I passed through to this world once I completed my journey, now I was born into a world filled with humans, but they are more putrid then what I encountered in the other realm. They have a vessel to protect them, one that has evolved immensely from the beginning of their planet Earth, however, they still carry infant minds. Their undeveloped thoughts lead to childlike venues of desire, ignorance, and hatred. I understand that this is something that is accepted within their society, although even when humans refute the base of an argument they still do not gather the necessary information to combat their opponents. It is not of difficulty to inquire the information to fully comprehend their stand, but most humans do not venture down this path. They rely on others to gain the information and this reciprocity is instated in the mind of the other person as well. Misconceptions are everywhere, damnation of the race is imminent, their base of operations is crumbling and the humans are only chipping away at the foundation with each passing day. Contributions to increase the activity of truth within their minds are all around them, but only the human can decide whether that is something they want to see or just be fooled by the indulgences of their kind.


    Her body suddenly halts as her destination is merely feet from her, her legs collapse to the cement road and her lungs are crushed by the constraint of her chest upon their palpitating exhaustion. She stays in the position for a short while as she allows for her body to regain its normal composure. She regulates her breathing through many exercises as her sharp mind focuses upon regaining oxygen in her blood. Releasing the muscles from contraction she stands, she had felt the presence of many thoughts as the minds around her were fueled with intrigue at the sight of her. Her stance she knew would alarm them, however she didn’t give much attention to humans any longer, she knew what thoughts lie beyond their expressions and body language. She had studied them for years and required nothing of their thoughts into her life on this planet. Although hope did sit in the darkest corner of her charred soul and crept upon her when she encountered the same life form as herself. A human life however is short and precise, no time is worth wasting in this dimension. Movement is key to the survival of my mind and mine alike. With this realization I must take heed in my eye’s foresight to come to this place. A library.

    Stepping into the book ridden building, her eyes glimpsed upon every human inside its walls and stored the nature of each individual in her mind, tucked away in a file within a chamber of her mind. She had figured out that survival also meant knowing the fundamentals of the creatures surrounding her own, so she made a quick habit of analyzing and evaluating the humans she came in contact with. She knew by human nature that they possessed some traits that were standard amongst their kind, and she feeds upon this information to catalog the differences in each one. Nothing out of the ordinary usually occurred, perhaps one day she would meet someone whom didn’t take only a swift sweep of her eyes to detect everything.

    Her dress supported the likes of no one in the vicinity and this out casting trait took precedence in whomever gazed upon her. Though their fleeting looks only emphasized the calculated reactions she presupposed. Interestingly enough, she dressed this way on purpose, to rid her acquaintances of looking past the disguise and seeing even a twinge of her true self. She possessed a tapered black trench coat that masked a velvet sensation on the inside of its darkened masquerade. And a further mix of velvet converged on her body as her buttoned corset extracted the same color as what lay upon it. Covering her starch legs was a deep thread of jade striped unnoticeably with black that fashioned down to her angles. Her boots then encased the leg below her knee and was enraptured with the tightened grip of velvet lace crisscrossed up the side, offset by the black leather beneath the strings. Finally her gloves drooped from the two pockets on the sides of her pants as they encircled the side halves of her body. She also carried small goodies further down in the pockets and rest assured they would not be seen unless she deemed it necessary. Furthermore, her hair fell behind her in the cycle of wind she created as she walked past the vast shelves, a deep red influenced the pigment of her hair and shone true in the light of the all engulfing sun. Her eyes darted beyond her as usual for she already scanned the surrounding area she stepped into before she made it to that point. She was confident, confident that she would learn something useful before exiting the building the way she so promisingly entered.
    Toothpick
    Toothpick


    Male Number of posts : 273
    Experience :
    Eye Camouflage Left_bar2 / 502 / 50Eye Camouflage Right_bar


    Ultimate End character
    Class: Gladiator
    Life:
    Eye Camouflage Left_bar166/166Eye Camouflage Empty_bar  (166/166)
    Weave:
    Eye Camouflage Left_bar18/18Eye Camouflage Empty_bar  (18/18)

    Eye Camouflage Empty Re: Eye Camouflage

    Post by Toothpick Wed May 27, 2009 1:39 am

    D:

    That's....unreadable. Overwrought, self-indulgent, pompous.
    Awful.

    Read Bukowski. Learn the economy of syntax and moderation of character he used. Instead of SAYING that your character doesn't bother with humans, show it in their actions. Show it in a deferential or distant comment to a wayfarer. Or in a conversation with a parent.
    As to the self-indulgence.....make the character less a Mary Sue. Make her someone who people can relate to, instead bof a list of vague qualities and goofy anti-N00RMIeS philosophy.

    Harsh? Hell yeah! But I got the chops to back it up. And I'm willing to help you grow like a tumour on a baby's eyelid.

      Current date/time is Thu May 16, 2024 1:37 pm