Engurishu Reson Ichi

Engurishu Reson Ichi

Alright fuckers, English lesson time. I have no doubt you have seen people using, or have used yourselves, the following verbs:

learnt, burnt, spelt, dreamt, spilt, spoilt, lept, leant, or clapt.

This is a small sample of what I'm talking about but it will do. Now have you ever seen yours truly using these verb forms? No, because they're wrong. English wasn't made to be a lazy language and yet we live in an era of laze. But that's a bullshit cop-out. Laziness does not excuse the degradation of a language. Oh I know what some of you are thinking, "but languages have to evolve with the times or they die like Latin!" and that they do. But languages evolve by being added to, not by being corrupted. Japanese adopted English-sounding words like duuraiya for "dryer" as in a "hair dryer". These are additions to their language that never before existed, but you don't see them taking yoroshiku (let's be friends) and just saying yoshiku. But English speakers DO say yoshiku. Why? We're fucking lazy.

(By the way, I want to point out now that of those words, the only one Firefox didn't say way spelled incorrectly was "burnt" and honestly even though that's one of the worst up there, I want to illustrate Firefox's abhorrence for these words)

So what's going on exactly? Why do these words exist? What's so bad about them? Why are you ranting like an asshole about it? I'll tell you why, numbskull. Stop asking questions in your head before you finish reading.

They're called "irregular verbs". The irregular verbs of English are a hindrance to those learning English as a second or later language and they provide opportunity for confusion and mistakes by native speakers as well. In this instance they are the "T-form" and it is pretty fucking obvious to figure out, it means they replace -ed with -t. Since -t is not a valid suffix, it makes the form "irregular". English has all kinds of weird shit not originally intended for it such as Nasalized past participles like mown (have you mown the lawn today?). But what's in question is if these are acceptable. The answer is no. Maybe if you're a back-woods redneck hick with a fifth grade English education and no future. However, if you're a productive member of society with at least a high school education, if not college, these words should not exist to you. But how did this all start, how did we take the suffix -ed and fuck it up so badly? Well to get to the T-form fuckup root you have to first understand the original fuckup.

Now this one is one we all use, hell even I do, and you probably don't even know it (unless you pay attention during my frequent language rants). Say "ED" outloud. No, faggot, don't keep reading, SAY -ed OUTLOUD. Good. Listen to how that sounds. It's a single syllable, -ed. Like the name, Ed. So why then, when we say banished do we slip from that sh straight to the -d? The syllable magically disappears! But not with "parted". No, you can clearly hear the -ed syllable in parted. So, a little history. Back in Shakespeare's time, English was still relatively Germanic in origin and pronunciation. If you heard those blokes doing Romeo and Juliet back then, you'd think it was in German. In Shakespeare's time, Juliet's maiden said that Romeo was banish-ed. She pronounced the last syllable. Like bani and shed. Somewhere along the line, the drunk blokes who gave us such nuances as "fuck" and "shit" slurred up and gave us banish'd and march'd and all the other sh'd words. But we accept them. It's what makes modern English different from German. I'm all for that because English at the beginning was essentially a Level 1 n00b German. Through drunken stupor and the slang of bums, he evolved into a Level 50 English. Then came American, or I should say: American't speak English properly. (Oh British-fags, don't think you're getting off the hook)

Did you know in schools there is a whole class called American Sign Language? That's right, we have our own nuanced sign language, and it's great! Lots of short-cuts and easily remembered small gestures. Because that's what Americans do--they make things shorter. That's good to a point. Is it really necessary to take a word like "burned" which we already pronounce burn'd and turn it into burnt just because you don't like spelling -ed? Or just because you grew up in the South and your grand-mammie used to say it? Buck up and speak correctly, faggot.

And you British are worse than the Americans. Jesus Christ, if I hear another one of you Australian-influenced stuck-up poindexters say "wetted", "betted", or "quitted" I'll string you up by your dick and let you scream until the rope pulls it off. Quit being snarky about how "superior" your version of English is when it's the farthest removed from original English of any spoken language's modern roots. (Source: Encyclopedia Britannica) Even American't-fucking-speak-properly is closer to English than you half-retarded fungi.

In closing, I want to wrap up by reiterating that T-forms are not okay, they do not help our language grow and evolve and become more expressive, they do the opposite: they make our language less expressive and make us sound like redneck fuckwits. I'm all for adding new words, but I'm against adding new forms of words that already exist that do not need any changing. Fuck you and your -t bullshit. Fuck you British and your improper +ed bullshit. Fuck you Americans for being lazy and worst of all: fuck you for not giving a fuck.

NOT GIVING A FUCK IS WHY I HATE YOU THE MOST. EVERYONE SHOULD BE AS ANGRY AS ME.

Or at least as outraged as me. But hey, at least I'm trying to do something about it. I may use nuanced grammar like banish'd (but I don't spell it like that) and contractions, but those are what set English apart from every other German-based language. Unless you're making a new language, stop with this T-form cockshit.

Spoiler:

hey

hey

someone should really curb their post-editing