ROGUELIKE

I tuch the wad of semen behind my ear for safekeeping, then I advance to the chest and gently open it, knife at the ready.

you deftly pry open the casket with all the skill of a child and discover the contents: 5 small gems! why isn't this a marvelous day? too bad you don't have a fucking place to put them. maybe you should come back for them.

Ordin wrote:you deftly pry open the casket with all the skill of a child and discover the contents: 5 small gems! why isn't this a marvelous day? too bad you don't have a fucking place to put them. maybe you should come back for them.

I'll glue them to myself with my semen!!!!!

With all of the determination of a well-tended rose bush and the attention span of a cheese sandwich, Reisengard pushes on the door.

O door

you open the wrought iron door to reveal a rough stone chamber. it's about 350 square feet (give or take a few miles), a small, completely not suspicious pile, of 10 small gems and an open arch on the right wall side. the walls are engraved with pictures of dwarves and dwarves, the dwarves are talking to the dwarves.

The gems fit comfortably up my elven bum after I lube them up with come. This brings back camp, and the pipeweed, and the delicious orgies. And the STDs. Gods, but it's a good thing testicrabs are curable... Next, I stroll to the lower left woden door, and throw it open like an angry door opener at a door throwing open championship.

beyond the bruised, confused, and de-flowered door you find a cavern about 200 feet square. along two of its sides are three seemingly innocuous archways. a set of rather rickety stairs lead into a startlingly dark (even your elf-eyes cannot penetrate its dank heights!)

you step into the room gingerly, right into a trap.

twinklewrists has spring a chute trap! he falls 50 feet into a lower section of the dungeon and takes 6 damage!

you find yourself in another unfinished chamber. bits of stone and rock are scattered around in places, mixing and mingling as they are wont. this chamber is slightly larger than the one above and contains a rather fell looking duck of doom and 3 more arches. what's with these fucking arches?

(Oh god you know better than to pick up a duck in a dungeon)

"ooh, shiny!"

get loot

mobius picks up the 10 gems and now has 19 points!

Feeling a bit dazed, the mangled elven dude picks up one of the nearby rocks, hoping that it might act as a convenient paperweight in his later life, or prehaps a makeshift projectile weapon.

Get Rock

twinklewrists gets the rock. a duck of doom attacks twinklewrists! duck rolls a 12 and does 7 damage to twinklewrists!

Despite his small monetary victory, Mobius is in a lot of pain. Remembering that his God is benevolent, Reisengard prays.

pray Healing_Touch :: self

Random number (1,6) : 6

Random number (1,6) : 5

Random number (1,6) : 3

Feeling up to the task, Mobius trots to the archway with bat and walks through it.

mobius uses his healing touch spell and restore his health to its max of 9. he goes through the doorway and arrives in a 50 foot long corridor, a trap, and three archways. feeling rather incredulous at not discovering something more interesting mobius hurls himself on the trap causing the dark void above him to vomit forth a block stone!

mobius takes 8 damage! mobius has 2 health left!

Channeling th spirit of his favorite European country, the nancy elf fled from the diabolik duck, feeling a vague sense of resentment after years of supporting avian rights.

Random number (1,6) : 6

Speed 8

twinklewrists runs in sheer terror through a random archway, discovering not only that he just ran into a broom closet, but also that said broom closet contains a starved lion.

Mobius peers around, bloody.

inspect black_stone

Mobius then sends bat to the forefront and through the archway.

mobius inspects the stone and discovers absolutely nothing of interest.

the pair strut through a random, unspecified archway to find a dead end, ending in an iron making it not quite dead and not much else. nothing else besides a WICKED COOL HALBERD!


(you're standing on it!)

Thinking fast like a naked Republican at a Convicted Gay Rapist's Convention for Tolerance and Rape, our hero dashes out of the broom closet for the nearest doorway, dribbling urine as he sprints.

Random number (1,6) : 4

Speed 8

twinklewrists dashes, once more, screaming and peeing from the broom closet into another room and miraculously succeeds. the new room he comes to is about 200 feet square, has three doors on one side of the room, and holds a sparkling, bubbling looking fountain. the fountain glistens with a sparking, magical glow.

Mobius touches the halberd and quickly withdraws his now cold hand. "Man, that's wicked cool..." bat chirrups in agreement.

get wicked_cool_halberd

I wish I had animal friends...

mobius gets the 3d6 halberd! it has no special effects other than being awesome and powerful! the dungeon shivers in excitement as it squeezes more enemies out of its dank regions and into rooms not yet discovered!

mobius's stomach growls. he seems to be getting somewhat hungry.

Feeling a strong sense of what the hell, Twinklewrists cheerfully leaps into the fountain, taking a hearty draught of its pulsating waters.
The flavor is much like a yak's precum, which is a delicacy among elves called Gh'll'kzchv'tch, or "Horny Horned Hummus Hexcreation"

twinklewrist drinks from the fountain and recovers his health! he also find himself sitting upon a fantastic-looking 1d6+2 longsword of inane justice! the hilt is adorned with pidgins defecating upon the head of a rather angry looking dwarf. the blade menaces with spikes!

also: mobius has discovered that he has leveled up!